it was so unfair
that the first time I heard you
was meant to be the last.
it all started
with a small chest pain
- nothing to worry about.
but, better to go get myself checked.
just to be sure.
then, some tests didn’t look so good.
so the doctor decided
on the ultrasound.
just standard procedure
- nothing to worry about.
I could see it
in the doctor’s eyes,
and I could hear it
in your struggle,
that there was something
to worry about.
as I was listening to your flutter,
tears started welling up,
and I was ashamed.
I didn’t want her
to see me cry.
but, I wasn’t crying for me.
I made my choices:
my choice in diet,
my choice in workout,
my choice in smoking habits.
I made my choices
and I regret none of them
- not for a second.
no, I cried listening to you,
fighting a lost cause
to the very end.
not for a moment did you stop trying.
not for a moment did you stop hoping.
I could hear it both.
the effort and the hope
for a better day.
so, this letter is to you,
my dear heart.
I want you to know
I don’t blame you.
I know you tried your very best.
Yours
truly
